Wednesday, 26 September 2018

How Israel, China firms bribe Kenyan officials

TI says bribery of Kenyan officials has over the years continued unabated, partly because foreign governments are not enforcing the existing anti-bribery laws. FILE PHOTO | NMG 







By BRIAN NGUGI

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Chinese and Israeli companies are among international contractors who regularly bribe Kenyan officials to win lucrative multi-billion shilling public infrastructure contracts, a new report by global corruption watchdog Transparency International (TI) says.
TI says bribery of Kenyan officials has over the years continued unabated, partly because foreign governments are not enforcing the existing anti-bribery laws.
“While China has criminalised the bribery of foreign public officials, in line with obligations under the UN Convention against Corruption, there has been no known enforcement against foreign corrupt practices by its companies, citizens and or residents,” the TI says in the report, which seeks to assess progress of the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development's (OECD) anti-bribery convention.
TI says Chinese bribery of foreign officials has continued despite the fact that its companies and individuals have been the subject of publicly reported investigations and charges in numerous countries, including Bangladesh, Ethiopia, Kenya, Sri Lanka, the United States and Zambia.
Samuel Kimeu, the TI Kenya executive director, said failure to act on reported corruption cases has become a matter of great concern given the high cost of irregularly awarded contracts. "Runaway graft in public contracting is robbing taxpayers of value for money in publicly funded projects because they mostly result in poor workmanship.
"This inaction has anchored corruption as the main driver of contracting systems in Kenya,” Mr Kimeu said, adding that many of the local contracts are being awarded to proxies who then transfer them to foreign companies at a fee resulting in exaggerated costing.
Kenya last year enacted a law criminalising bribery and with severe penalties, including a Sh5 million fine for convicted executives and a 10-year embargo on their firms.
The law, which is modelled on the UK’s Bribery Act, seeks to punish private sector bribery, especially in their dealings with government.
The OECD Anti-Bribery Convention establishes legally binding standards to criminalise bribery of foreign public officials in international business transactions and provides for a host of punitive measures for effectiveness.
Its anti-graft pact boasts of being the “the first and only international anti-corruption instrument focused on the ‘supply side’ of the bribery transactions.”
While singling out China as the “world’s leading exporter of corruption,” the TI insists stringent punishment of Chinese officials implicated in graft will change the trend.
“(China) should acknowledge the influence of its companies in terms of how they conduct business in foreign markets,” the TI report says.
Chinese firms have in recent years firmed their grip on cash-rich infrastructure contracts in Kenya, including various roads and the multi-billion shilling Standard Gauge Railway (SGR).
The report is expected to rekindle public debate on the procurement of Kenya’s mega infrastructure projects and whether such procurement produces value for money.
Legal documents in past and ongoing cases have often shown how some rogue Kenyan State employees manipulate the procurement law to inflate tender prices and line their pockets with huge sums of money in exchange for shady deals.
Kenya's list of unresolved corruption cases involving foreign officials and companies includes the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission ‘chickengate’, Goodyear’s tyre deal, British American Tobacco’s “cigarette” scandal, among others.
Multiple Chinese companies are embroiled in contracting litigation in Kenyan courts.
Top Kenyan Transport ministry officials were recently in the spotlight for alleged involvement in shady procurement deals with an Israeli construction firm.
Investigators from the Israel Police on February 20, this year began probing former senior managers at Shikun & Binui, on suspicion that they were involved in bribery of public officials in Kenya to win lucrative tenders.
The probe saw Israeli investigators raid the company’s offices in Kenya and freeze some of its bank accounts.
In 2014, a four-year investigation by the United Kingdom’s Serious Fraud Office (SFO) into allegations of British firms dishing out bribes codenamed ‘chicken’ to Kenyan officials to secure deals, unearthed a multi-million-shilling corruption scam where local election officials pocketed millions of shillings in bribes to award lucrative printing contracts over a two-year period.
Under the Kenyan anti-bribery law, wheeler-dealers and “tenderpreneurs” convicted of giving, soliciting, receiving, or agreeing to receive a bribe face a Sh5 million fine and a 10-year jail term, coupled with a 10-year ban from holding any public office, company directorship or partner in any firm.

Tuesday, 18 September 2018

KFS fails to account for Sh1.8 billion

MV LikoniCommuters walk out of Mv Likoni, which was recalled from Mtongwe Channel after Mv Jambo and Mv Nyayo broke down, on March 19, 2018. The Kenya Ferry Services on the spot for failing to to account for Sh1.8 billion it used to buy two vessels from Turkey. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP 
By EDWIN MUTAI
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The Kenya Ferry Services is in the headlines once again for failing to account for Sh1.8 billion it used to buy two vessels from Turkey.
Auditor-General Edward Ouko says in his latest report on the Mombasa-based parastatal that he could not confirm the validity and accuracy of the building and supply of the ferries at a cost of Sh1,863,000,000 nor the propriety of expenditure totalling to Sh1,519,379,614 paid to the contractor by June 30, 2017.
The report says the contract was awarded to a company ranked fourth during the technical evaluation but no explanation was provided as to how it was ultimately awarded the job.
Besides that, the Auditor-General found that the technical evaluation report indicated that the winning bidder was to supply roll on/roll off ferries and that dead weight at designed draft was 490 tonnes.
However, a review of the winning bidder’s tender document revealed that the company did not provide that information.
GUARANTEE
KFS was also found to have made a downpayment of $5,920,726.7 (Sh598,023,000) to the local agent in August 2015 despite the requirement that such settlement be made upon the production of an unconditional guarantee issued by a reputable bank in Kenya.
The audit found that the winning tenderer submitted a performance bank guarantee of $931,500 (Sh93,150,000) issued by a bank in Istanbul, Turkey.
"It was further noted that the performance bond dated July 13, 2015 was submitted 16 days after signing the contract, contrary to the general conditions of the deal,” Mr Ouko says in the report submitted to the National Assembly.
“The contractor was required to furnish the employer with the performance security before signing off the contract.”
ADVANCE
The audit found that KFS made an advance payment of $5,920,726.7 (Sh598,020,000) to the company but failed to remit six per cent value added tax, totalling Sh35,881,380 and withholding tax at 20 per cent for non-resident company totalling Sh119,604,380 despite advice from the Kenya Revenue Authority.
The ferries were to be delivered after 17 months or by November 2016, according to the contract signed on June 27, 2015.
“The first ferry — MV Jambo — was delivered in July 2017. At the time of the audit in October 2017, the second had not been delivered. Information available indicates that delivery was suspended by a court order,” the report adds.
“In light of the foregoing, it has not been possible to confirm the validity and accuracy of the building and supply of the two ferries at cost of Sh1,863,000,000 and propriety of expenditure totalling Sh1,519,379,614 paid to the contractor as at June 30, 2017.”
However, KFS says it did not fail to account for money as reported by Mr Ouko.
“How can we fail to account for Sh4 billion? What you wrote is different. I explained all these issues two months ago,” KFS managing director Bakari Gowa said.
Additional reporting by Winnie Atieno
This story was first published in the ‘Business Daily’

Monday, 17 September 2018

OFF MY CHEST: Sharon Otieno could have been me

Sharon Otieno, who was brutally murdered a few weeks ago, could easily have been me. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH
Sharon Otieno, who was brutally murdered a few weeks ago, could easily have been me. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH 
By BLOSSOM WERE
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Sharon Otieno, 26, who was brutally murdered a few weeks ago, could easily have been me. At 25, I’m just a few months shy of her age.
Her death gave me pause and I started reflecting on how I became the person I am and how I got to this place of moral uprightness despite the strong “sponsor” winds that often threatened to sweep me off my feet by offering the kind of life that Sharon wanted. The life that she had.  
It’s no longer a secret that Sharon had an affair with Migori County Governor Okoth Obado.
I am a moralist. Insanely so. So even if I mount a defence for Sharon, it has nothing to do with me trying to be weird. Or wayward. Sharon's death made death feel so close. The same way Bobbi Kristina Brown's death affected me. The similarity in Sharon and Bobbi's deaths is that a quick eye will easily see the fault in the women - one choosing drugs and the other dating an older man. As Atsango Chesoni would put it, a society that is absolutely okay with the possibility of wiping itself away.
I will focus on Sharon.
Her relationship with Obado made me think of the older men that have made passes at me over the years.
One was a family friend, a man my father’s age, who openly stared at my boobs and asked me to pass by a certain town where he worked.
Another told me he would make my life more comfortable - he told me he has loved me since I was a child. My blood still goes cold when I remember those words.
And this is where my problems begin and where the search for long lasting solutions should begin. How about we start by older men keeping away from young women, because otherwise, the way I see it, we engage in the business of chasing the wind.
My point is, it is highly unlikely that I will walk up to my GCEO and ask him out on a date. Now, if he does ask me the response is a whole bag of worms: power play, naiveté, greed, fear, curiosity and foolishness.
VIRGIN UNTIL WEDDING NIGHT
I believe I should be a virgin on my wedding night (what the man believes is his business although I am not raising any step children and I am not accepting unhealthy people) but not all girls out there believe what I believe or have been raised to believe such.
Sharon did not deserve to die for her choices, especially since we live in a society where keeping up with the Joneses, Kardashians, Nairobi Diaries are the aspirations.
I feel deeply disturbed when we try to pretend that we are pure.
The attacks on Sharon on social media (yes, people in this side of the world have energy to advice a dead girl) got me thinking about my life and my own choices.
And the more I think about me, the more I realise that it might as well have been pure luck. When my campus friends were invited to pool parties, the only reason I did not join them was that I come from a home that does not do things like those; my parents do not speak from both sides of the mouth.
“Always remember where you are from!" is something my dad reminds me of, often. So no, knowing where I come from does not even allow me to step inside a club. Growing up a teacher’s child means there will always be a name to protect and prestige to maintain.
But one of the unintended consequences of that kind of upbringing is that staying away from men starts happening on autocue so that even at 25, you are blind to even the best of intentions. (Sorry to all men my age who have tried to date me and I did not even understand their actions). But that is a story for another day.
Having this very conversation recently with a dear woman, I realised that the reason I continue to have very high guard walls around me where dating is concerned is because the attitude of society can be so wrong at times and falling for the wrong person will turn me into the idiot. So yes, where I am concerned, men can continue living in Mars and I can remain in Venus. After all, as Malaika Mwaghera says in Margaret Ogola's Place of Destiny,
this whole falling in love thing is a pure game of chance and I might just be the one to pick the rotten apple from the barrel.
***
Do you feedback on this article? Please email: lifeandstyle@ke.nationmedia.com

Sunday, 16 September 2018

From oppression to power, Prof Muga saw it all


Ouma Muga
Prof Ouma Muga speaks during an interview on September 12, 2013 in Nairobi. His political career was chequered and defied easy understanding. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP 
By AKOKO AKECH
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For weeks, his picture, frail and bed-ridden at a hospital, had been doing the rounds on social media, evoking various responses.
When Prof Ouma Muga eventually died early this month, the story of the former Rangwe MP, one-time assistant minister and academic was of neglect.
For some, his state told of friends, family or self-neglect. Others wondered how Muga, an accomplished academic and politician, had fallen on hard times, especially at a time when a career in the academy or parliamentary politics nearly guarantees material aggrandisement.
Prof Muga aka 'Bend Aburu' (ash-coated or preserved millet grains) was an enigmatic politician. His political career was chequered and defied easy understanding.
He studied at Makerere University and obtained a PhD in geophysics from Sydney University.
TOM MBOYA ASSASSINATION
He was Kenya’s only Professor of environmental studies in the late 1980s, founder of Moi University’s School of Environmental Studies, a one-time Dean of Arts at Makerere University, and chairman of the Department of Geography in the University of Zambia.
As a celebrated don at Makerere Hill, he dabbled in Uganda’s politics, supporting Milton Obote’s complex proposition of a single member representing multiple constituencies, which Obote had hoped would deethnicise Uganda’s fluid politics.
However, profoundly affected by the murder of Tom Mboya in 1969, Prof Muga abandoned the ivory tower and plunged headlong into the murky waters of Kenya’s politics.
"Professor, you shouldn’t have left Makerere," Prof Yash Tandon exclaimed when he saw Prof Muga, after decades, at a public event in a Nairobi hotel in the early 2000s.
ENTRY INTO POLITICS
In 1970, Prof Muga left an illustrious academic career at Makerere University and, together with the other Mboya loyalists like Sylvanus Oduor and Bernardus Aoko, plotted to overthrow the Jomo Kenyatta government. They were arrested and jailed for 10 years.
In the late 1980s, he returned to Kanu politics. Prof Muga was one of the leaders from South Nyanza who the Weekly Review described as "well-educated bureaucrats", and would be champions of development.
Aided by Hezekiah Oyugi, the permanent secretary in the Office of the President, they took on some of the best Dholuo orators in South Nyanza politics whose development record had been dismal.
Phares Oluoch Kanindo exemplified this lot. Keen on shifting South Nyanza politics away from "personality classes and clan rivalries" to "issues and ideas of development", and redressing the intra-Nyanza health, education and infrastructure inequality, Oyugi’s 1988 elections team of Peter Nyakiamo and Dalmas Otieno signalled an intellectual-technocratic turn in South Nyanza’s politics.
"Yamo Oloko", to mean the political wind was blowing in a new direction, Prof Muga claimed.
His seat, Rangwe constituency, like Dalmas Otieno’s Rongo, was carved out of the wider Homa Bay Constituency in 1987.
MOI'S SPEECH WRITER
He was one of the prominent pro-Moi leaders from Nyanza, at a particularly very dark moment of authoritarianism in Kenya characterised by anti-intellectualism, torture, detention without trial, disappearance, and pervasive fear of the Special Branch.
But Prof Muga’s dalliance with Kanu was short-lived. He was soon ensnared in Kanu’s snake pit politics of envy, jealousy, rough elbowing, gate keeping, witch hunts and even murder.
In South Nyanza’s politics of the late 1980s, this played out as the rivalry between Hezekiah Oyugi and David Okiki Amayo, the national chairman of Kanu and the feared chairman of the disciplinary committee, for the ears and eyes of President Moi.
He was accused by the South Nyanza Kanu branch of "boasting publicly that he was indispensable because he drafted speeches, President Moi’s speech in Rio de Janeiro on the destruction of the ozone layer, a precursor to the world’s debate on global warming", as well as "issuing bouncing cheques, creating religious discord, making empty promises, and stopping people from conducting harambees in his constituency".
On that day, sitting on the slab of the gate of Homa Bay Farmers’ Training Centre reading a Jerusalem Bible (Jerome’s) at lunchtime, he was stoic but forlorn, meditating, far away from the South Nyanza County Council Hall, where the Kanu stalwarts deliberated his fate.
KICKED OUT OF KANU
A devout Roman Catholic, Prof Muga often prayed at lunchtime during kangaroo-court trial.
He was abandoned by adults who knew too well the dangers of associating with a political 'outcast', only those who were too young to know how dangerous Kanu’s politics of suspicion and back stabbings could come close to such a 'dissident'.
In the land of intellectual Lilliputians led by councillor Akech Chieng’, it seems Prof Muga had claimed more than his fair share of intellectual credit, where the norm is to claim nothing and credit the leader with every stroke of real or imagined brilliance. Prof Muga was kicked out of Kanu in 1989.
Politically homeless, he bounced back with gusto in the early 1990s as one of the Young Turks, a group of mostly well-educated, middle aged men, the activists of the Forum for the Restoration of Democracy (Ford) - the political movement that had boldly broken Moi’s chokehold on Kenya’s politics.
Muga’s trademark beard was greying, eyes blood-shot and fierce as ever, his piercing gaze firmly fixed on the prize: "Ford …! Uhuru, Haki na Ukweli. Ford … Mayienga (earth shaker)," he thundered on the stump.
MULTIPARTY POLITICS
Through sweat and blood, the Young Turks, like the Wangari Maathai-led mothers of political prisoners’ nude protest at Uhuru Park’s Freedom Corner, shook the foundations of the authoritarian one-party state.
They freed us from the fears of Moi’s Special Branch police state. Prof Muga, true to his moniker 'Bend Aburu,' the ash-preserved millet grains, survived the Kanu political weevils, outlived the one-party dictatorship and planted the seeds of multiparty politics.
Prof Muga, it seems, did not live by bread alone, but by high religious and political ideals, though he had his flaws.
The writer is a PhD Fellow, Makerere Institute of Social Research

Dead sperm whale washes ashore at Zote Beach in Kwale

sperm whale
The 14-metre long sperm that was found dead on September 16, 2018 at Zote Beach in Waa, Kwale County. PHOTO | FADHILI FREDRICK | NATION MEDIA GROUP 
By FADHILI FREDRICK
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A sperm whale has been discovered dead at Zote Beach in Waa along the Indian Ocean shoreline in Kwale County.
It was a rare spectacle at the public beach as locals thronged to the scene to see the giant fish, with some taking photos.
SMELL
Mr Ali Salim, who lives in Waa village, said the mammal was discovered by fishers on Saturday before officers from the Kenya Wildlife Services (KWS) were called in.
Residents suspect the creature died in the ocean two to three days ago before its carcass washed ashore.
“There is a need for a detailed study to determine the cause of death," Mr Salim told the Nation on Sunday.
Locals complained of the pungent smell that was emanating from the mammal, with businesses of flies reminding visitors that all was not well.
Mr Salim said they suspected the whale may cause a health hazard to the villagers and tourists who swim and party at the beach.
He called on KWS to move with speed and clear the mess.
KWS Community Warden Edward Karanja said the mammal is estimated to be 14 metres long and weighs about five tonnes.
STAR DIVER
"At the moment we are not sure what is the cause of the death but we will found out after the examination," he said.
According to Britannica, sperm whales are the largest of the toothed whales, with males up to 19 meters long—more than five times the length of a large elephant—and females up to 12 meters in length.
They are easily recognised by their enormous square head and narrow lower jaw.
They have the largest brain on Earth, more than five times heavier than a human's, and can live for more than 60 years.
The whale’s common name, Britannica says, originated during the heyday of the commercial whaling industry, from the end of the 18th century through the 19th century.
The head of the sperm whale contains an enormous fluid-filled organ and whalers mistook that liquid for the mammal’s sperm.
And according to BBC Earth, sperm whale's enormous box-like head with left-sided blow hole contains the biggest brain of any living animal.
It is also the deepest diving mammal, reaching depths of 3,000 metres (nearly two miles) although the average dive is between 300 and 600 metres.
These dives can last for a couple of hours before the whale has to come up for breath, BBC Earth reports.
Additional report by Harry Misiko.

Body of sperm whale beaches in Kilifi

Kilifi residents pose for photo with the carcass of a sperm whale that beached at a Kilifi Creek. PHOTO | GEORGE KIKAMI | NATION
Kilifi residents pose for photos with the carcass of a sperm whale that beached at Kilifi Creek. PHOTO | GEORGE KIKAMI | NATION 
WEDNESDAY JULY 23 2014
The body of a sperm whale was on Wednesday morning washed ashore the Kilifi Creek .
Kilifi Town residents flocked the scene, with some posing for photos with the giant mammal.
The sperm whale, the largest toothed predator, can be found anywhere in the open ocean.
It has the largest brain of any animal on earth, more than five times heavier than a human's.
Sperm whales can live for more than 60 years.

Wednesday, 12 September 2018

Don’t assume the worst when you see alert on the dashboard


Don’t assume the worst when you see an alert on the dashboard
Don’t assume the worst when you see an alert on the dashboard. PHOTO | FOTOSEARCH 
Dear Baraza,
Reading your article on the above subject shocked me. Shocked by the solution you gave.
A few weeks ago we discussed overheating of my Nissan Dualis, 2009 model. It is great now. Smooth, and all. However, there is an alert at the dashboard, which has been there, I presume, since I bought it direct from Japan in 2014.
I didn't think much of it at the time, thinking it is just because the seat belts (passenger or driver) are not fastened as there are two alerts. It is only after reading the article did I release it is a problem. But your solution — sell it. To who? When that person who buys it comes to you requesting for advice what will you tell him? To sell it? So the person who sold it to me was because of this airbag problem?
Anyway I have driven it for four years now. Still a smooth car. Mileage nearing 200,000. I don't expect that alert to ever be a problem. I expect to drive it for another four years before deciding on a replacement — if I will still be alive. And if I die before then, you can bet that it won’t be because of the airbag!
Thanks for your great work. I guess we would be paying a hell of a lot of money for this advice we get from you.
Tony

Nissan Dualis.
Nissan Dualis. PHOTO | FILE

Hello Tony,
I see the ghosts of past responses will not let me rest. I rethought my response and gave another option which is a part out of the afflicted vehicle rather than transferring the problem to someone else, but if we were to revisit my initial reply: is the problem the airbag itself or could it be something more benign like a dirty seatbelt clasp? Be sure before assuming the worst.
I know I spoke against selling it, but I did mention there are few individuals out there who are not intimidated by such. I'm not asking you to actively seek out these happy-go-lucky characters (for their own good as much as for the good of your conscience and as a moral responsibility as a thoughtful member of society), but they do exist. If they come asking for advice, don't hold back; or alternatively, pre-empt this by going full disclosure at the point of sale. But that is if and when you sell the car rather than break it down for parts.
I don't know if the person who sold you the vehicle was dodging the airbag issue and letting you catch the bullet instead. If he was, it was not because of this column: you say you have driven the Dualis for four years yet I gave the controversial feedback a mere two weeks ago.
The morbid atmosphere in this correspondence is not doing either of us any good, but have that SRS setup in your car checked. It may sound ballsy and brave to declare that if you go out it won't be airbag-related, but how can we bet on that? Ever heard of freak accidents? Is your car one of the victims afflicted by the Takata scandal? If it is then your airbag may just as well be the one thing that does you in in the event of an accident.
I am thinking of charging a consultancy fee, by the way...
WHAT THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT IS PROMPTING YOU TO DO
I have been an ardent reader of your columns and I really appreciate it. I recently acquired a Toyota Corona Premio, year 1999 and 1800cc. I realised the check engine light pops up after a short drive or if you rev the engine hard. The diagnosis has generated code p0105, which is MAP malfunction. The mechanic replaced the sensor but still the check engine light appears. He even removed the thermostat but the problem persists.
However, I have realised that when the engine gets hot, the radiator hoses become very hot and hard. When you relieve the hardness by letting some coolant to flow out, the engine light goes off or it doesn’t appear when you fill the radiator with little coolant. The fuel consumption is at an average of 13km/litre. What might be the problem and its solution? Looking forward to your response. Thanks in advance.
 Toyota Corona Premio.
Toyota Corona Premio. PHOTO | FILE
Hello,
Automotive repair is not like corrective surgery whereby vestigial trouble spots can be excised as a solution. Removing the thermostat for a code P0105 is like having your appendix removed because of joint pain. The relation between the two is hard to find.
Now clearly the problem is not the thermostat, so how about we address some real issues. The error code is P105, which is indicative of the MAP (manifold absolute pressure) sensor or the TPS (throttle position sensor). There are a variety of causes for error code P0105, so go through this checklist until you find the cause:
— disconnected, blocked or broken vacuum hose for the MAP sensor. The connectors to the MAP and/or TPS sensors may also be faulty or damaged.
— wiring gone on the fritz.
— the MAP sensor itself may be faulty, but you say the mechanic replaced it, so that is not where the problem is.
— the TPS may be the one that is faulty. Have that checked too.
— faulty powertrain control module.

The idea here is to get an OBD II expert who will be able to differentiate whether the problem is with the sensor itself or if the check engine light is symptomatic of another problem further downstream (this is usually easily done by comparing voltage figures at sensor level against a set of predetermined factory numbers).
The cooling issue seems fairly straightforward and could be unrelated to the check engine light. You have a cooling system problem, and the first suspect may be that you overfilled the coolant, which is why there is some relief when you bleed the system just a little. The hard radiator hoses, if not hardened by age, could be from very high pressure in the cooling system which is the direct result of heat.
Overfilling your cooling system is very risky because if the pressure builds up high enough, something will have to give, and it won't be pleasant. When topping up your coolant, do not fill the overflow bottle because this is what acts as the runoff area for the hot coolant as it expands with rising temperature.
A 13km/l consumption figure seems like par for the course for a 20-year-old 1.8-litre engine, depending on driving factors such as location and style, and on environmental factors such as load and use of accessories such as air conditioning. The mechanical state of the car is a determinant as well, so deal with the CEL and see if the figure changes. It should.

WHY I LIVE AND DIE FOR LOYAL READERS...
Hello,
I have just finished last week's articles.
I'm an avid reader of your column and never miss a single article.
However, I must say that the main article published on August 15 is, to me, by far the best piece I've ever read; it’s hilarious, informative, exciting, scary, sarcastic, enjoyable to read — all these rolled in one. It's simply a masterpiece!
Do keep up the good work!
Phyllis Ndung’u

Thank you, Phyllis. I live and die for readers like you who appreciate the finer things in life, such as my writing — don't be alarmed, it is normal for a penman to go on a self-osculating ego trip once in a while.
I will keep it coming, that's a promise, provided you keep reading...

ASTON MARTIN IS IDEAL FOR MOTORWAYS
Salutations Mr Baraza,
First of all, let me just say I am a big fan of your column. Whenever I am on a business trip in Kenya, your column is one of my preferable forms of entertainment when available.
Now, let me get straight to the point. Lately, I had a little accident on my way to East Yorkshire that permanently crippled my Mercedes AMG-GLE.
The following are my shortlisted cars: The 2016 Aston Martin Vanquish S (James Bond), 2016 Mercedes G65 AMG (Bond villain) or the 2016 Mercedes AMG- GT R (villain henchman).
I have shortlisted these cars because they each make a statement although I need your opinion on their performance, reliability and other mechanical traits. To determine this better in terms of fuel efficiency and practicality, I am a regular commuter between Chelsea SW3 and Curzon Street in London and once in a blue moon a commute to Cheshire or East Yorkshire. What would you recommend?
Richard Arthur

Hello Arthur,
I am glad you enjoy my reading. Did you know that in this age of the internet, you don’t have to wait to visit Kenya to read my articles? These are available, fresh off the oven on a weekly basis, by going online to the Nation newspaper website www.nation.co.ke.
My sympathies on your maimed GLE. I hope you came out of the incident unscathed (unlike your poor vehicle). Your shortlist of potential successors is interesting, to say the least, partly because of what they are, partly because of what they cost and mostly because I have never driven any of them. Let’s see what we can make of them...

An Aston Martin DB9.
An Aston Martin DB9. PHPOTO | FILE | AFP

Performance is on a high level on all three counts, but the ranking system is bookended by both Mercs, with the GT R at the apex and the G65 on the inglorious end. A close second to the top is the Aston. Reliability is, well, it is not. High performance cars are not known for their dependability, especially under hard use. Sometimes even everyday use will see them pitch a fit or two. The Mercs are not that bad, but watch out for that G65 with its twin-turbo V12 engine. It is an ancient battle tank with an old (somewhat) engine that has to battle the laws of physics to toss that concert hall down the road at motorsport speeds. So not only is it an anachronism, but the various systems that comprise it may find themselves working antagonistically. I didn’t know anybody needed a 604hp city hall. Aston Martin, by sheer power of reputation, may be the most likely to haunt garages more often than not.
Mechanical traits? The G65 is awful. The steering is awful, the brakes as worrisome, the ride is discomfiting, the handling is scary, the seating position could be better and that 40-year-old aerodynamic profile is exactly the same as that of a tall brick wall surrounding a consulate building. The G65 weighs as much as a consulate building, while we are on the subject. There is no rational reason for this lorry to even exist, let alone enjoy the kind of sales success lesser vehicles can only dream of attaining.
(*Note: the sales success is of the Gelandewagen as a general model and not the G65 as a specific vehicle. The G65 is ridiculously expensive so it is mostly the preserve of the 0.01%. The 1% drive lesser Gs. The 99% are only aware of the G Class from magazine pictures and Top Gear’s Richard Hammond).
While the G is awful, the GT R is a track car, which sometimes means it is not very ideal for everyday use. As I said, I have never driven any of these vehicles (I have driven a lesser G, to be pedantic, just not the V12-powered twin turbo). I don’t want to be one to reproduce someone else’s research at length, so let us just surmise that the GT R is optimised for track use but is still luxurious because this is Mercerdes-Benz: hearty but hoary harbingers of hedonism and haste to hoons. Judging by reputation, the Vanquish S should be the best grand tourer, because it is a true GT car unlike the Benz coupĂ© whose GT tag may be more for sounding cool rather than its mettle as a road trip companion.
Fuel efficiency? Forget it. One twin turbo V8 and a pair of V12s, one of which is also turbocharged, does not constitute fuel economy, which I believe is what you were inquiring about.
But if we are to be pedantic again and unpack the word “efficiency”, then we find the AMG GT R is the most fuel efficient vehicle here. Not only does it return the best mpg figure, but to eke those performance figures from only 4.0 litre is the epitome of reduction of waste and/or loss. The Aston follows closely at second. The G65 converts 90% of its petrol into noise, then a further 9% into forward motion, so that makes it very wasteful and extremely inefficient.
I don’t know how far apart Chelsea SW3, Curzon Street, Cheshire and East Yorkshire are, but on the motorways, I’d rather have the Aston Martin because of its driving characteristics. But for Cheshire I’d rather have the G65 specifically because it will fit right in with the Cheshire crowd who are the exact target market for that monstrosity.
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