There is an epidemic of hat-wearing
African Big Men. As we speak, three African presidents – Goodluck Jonathan of
Nigeria, Salva Kiir of South Sudan, and Yoweri Kaguta Museveni Uganda – can’t
seem to appear in public without “pith helmets”. What I can’t fathom for the
love of me is why an African president would don a ridiculous-looking hat at
state functions. Unless of course they were hiding something hideous that would
be unsightly. Except none of them has anything unsightly on their heads.
President Museveni has a bald pate, but that’s not a reason to hide his noggin.
Both President Kiir and President Jonathan have full heads of hair. So what
logic has driven three powerful men to veil their heads?There is a historical
legacy between power and the pith helmet. The pith helmet was invented for
European colonial rulers in hot tropical climes. It’s a sister of the safari
helmet worn by white tourists to ward off the African sun. But my earliest
memories of the pith helmet aren’t fond ones. I still remember stories about a
stern-faced pith helmet-wearing British colonial district officer (DO) in Kitui
who was said to “cane” Africans for the pleasure of it. These colonial “gods”
were omnipotent. They were intimidating and unapproachable. You could be
sanctioned for just meeting the gaze of the white DO. When Kenya became an
independent state in 1964, African DOs took the place of the British overlord.
As we know, the African post-colonial state inherited intact the machinery,
mores, and garb of the colonial state. The only difference was that a black
face resided at State House while the head in the pith helmet was now black.
African Provincial Commissioners, too, wore the pith helmet. It didn’t matter
whether a DO or PC was male, or female – a pith helmet and khaki fare were the
uniform. Watching the African DOs and PCs one could be forgiven for thinking
that they were born with the pith helmet on their black heads. That’s because
they wore them with authority and pride – as if they had invented the
funny-looking hat. They didn’t see it as a symbol of oppression. Today – over
50 years after independence – the relics of the district and provincial
administrators still wear the pith helmet. Never mind that the 2010
Constitution abolished provincial administrators. See also: Nigeria in darkest
phase of history-president at bomb site This is my point – the African has an
uncanny penchant for holding onto the most ridiculous artefacts of European
colonial culture. That’s why they wear the pith helmet – a colonialist’s funny
hat – without any hint of irony or sarcasm. Reminds me of Kenyan advocates –
learned members of the LSK – insisting their professional “dignity” would be
compromised if they didn’t wear the horse’s wig on their African heads. Why do
we want to forever be dumb copies of the European original? Why do we have this
racialised and malignant complex of inferiority? Back to my three comical
presidents. Let’s start with the Nigerian. A scientist and one-time academic,
President Jonathan can’t be described as a “regular guy.” You will be hard
pressed to find many people named “Goodluck”. I don’t know what his parents
were thinking. Boko Haram, the Islamic terror group, has exposed the dearth of
wisdom underneath Mr Jonathan’s black hat. The man is like deer caught in the
headlights. How can he allow “Africa’s giant” to be brought to its knees by a
primitive rag tag militia? I remember a poignant picture of President Jonathan
and President Barack Obama at the White House. President Jonathan – with his
funeral-like oversize black hat – looked like a cartoon character beside Mr
Obama. I’ll take Mr Museveni and Mr Kiir together. Mr Museveni is perhaps the
most awkward hat-wearing African president. His suits don’t fit particularly
well, but his hat – which is several gallons big – only makes matters worse.
How do you dress in a full suit and then carry such a heavy object on your
head? I can understand a hat, shirt, and jeans at a cattle ranch in Naivasha or
Texas, but not at a State House press conference beside President Kenyatta. Mr
Kiir, the inept President of South Sudan could be mistaken for a cowboy in his
humongous black hat. He wears it all the time, even when he’s sweating.
Presidents – whether African or other – are
supposed to have image-makers. If I was President Jonathan, President Kiir, and
President Museveni I would fire my image-makers pronto. Come to think of it –
why have their spouses allowed them to wear such strange-looking hats in suits?
Are our dear presidents secretly yearning to be the pith-helmeted all-powerful
colonial governor? Perhaps channeling the despotic mien of the colonial
administrator? I don’t get it because these clownish “presidential hats” don’t
work as a fashion statement.click
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